I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize