Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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