It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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