can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
