That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
