I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
