Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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