We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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