Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
