he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
