Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
