PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
