Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
