Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Randomize
