So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
