Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
