Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
