Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize