3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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