I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
