If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize