Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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