Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
