I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize