keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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