could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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