Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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