Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
