i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
