im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
