you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize