New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
