Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
