I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
