i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
