but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize