Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you will always have a special place in my vag
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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