Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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