just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
