??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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