I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
