I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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