the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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