So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
