After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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