Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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