Where is the hickey?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
