SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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