I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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