Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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