I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pants are for mortals
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
