I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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