If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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