if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's blow job season.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
