But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so explain again why im purple
no
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
