i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize