I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
