Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
