I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have aggressive nipples.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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