I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
