I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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