Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
