I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
