i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
