if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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