Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
